please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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