he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
