no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
