Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Are my feet made of real feet?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
