I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
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