my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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