There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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