I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
