apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
