He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
