Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
