I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
