You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
