there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
