I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
