Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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