return my video game
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
