Soap is not a condiment
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
