Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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