You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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