shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
