When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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