you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
