Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
She's like a pop up book from hell.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
