4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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