Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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