I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
