Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
