Cold hands, warm shart.
Apparently you make a good broom.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
