I'm going to jail i love you
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
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