i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
