Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
