I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
