in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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