i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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