Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
