I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
