Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
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