Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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