does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
