We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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