i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
