i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
