and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
