awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
