it's like iHOP with fire
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
