It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
how drunk are you?
Several
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
