Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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