this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
