Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
