After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
