I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
