only if we run a train.
done.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
